Why do I keep getting involved with men who don't actually care about me?I always hear about women getting men who care, and who are actually nice and I wonder; why the fuck haven't I? He cant be bothered to listen to my problems, since you know, he has his own. I am not allowed to have feelings that might be critical of something he does, because Lord knows that since I stay home all day with the kids, I must have it 1,000 times easier than he does.

I was just going to ask him to get dinner since I am dizzy when I stand up. He started blathering on about Shannon and time off, again not listening to what I have to say. Going as far as getting upset with me because he couldn't hear me on the phone... when I suggested that he ask for maybe a Monday-Thursday break, he gets defensive. "Shannon works on Mondays at Cafe" he said. Well, I know he doesn't want to have Monday off because of Open Mike Night, not because he cant have it off. Anyway, the point of this whole post is, I sighed. I know right? That of course means that I am upset about his not having a gajillion days off in a row and has nothing to do with the fact that I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE! He got mad at me, and while I was begging him to tell me what I did, he shouted "Thanks alot, Tabby!" and hung up on me. I am beginning to question if it is all worth it. I do everything on my own anyway, except make the money, wouldn't it be easier to deal with, without all the bullshit?

He wont change, he hasn't yet and its been 6 years. I can tell him until I am blue in the face everything that is wrong, and what I thought he could do to fix it, and he might try for a week. It seems like it is much easier to be the working dad, the hero if you will. The one who slaves away all day and night for his family. Never mind the fact that the only time he interacts with his wife is for sex,and he only sees his kids 30* minutes every day.

I am just so tired of walking on egg shells because I might make him upset. It's so tiring. I am seriously on the brink of a nervous breakdown, and he doesn't even know.

*I am being super generous here. It is whatever he sees them in the mornings. Lately it's been less than that, but sometimes it's more, but not by much.